Many times, when things go south in the life of the American woman, she turns to the “chick movie” for comfort. The viewing of the chick movie is generally accompanied by junk food and pajamas or sweats and a magnum of wine, depending on the occasion. The object of this ritual is to purge the viewer of a recent hurt by basking in the sisterhood of similarly wronged women who play out their initial failures and ultimate triumphs on the big screen. I, too, am a proponent of the healing power of movies, but frankly, the “chick movie” genre makes me want to hurl.
Recently, after a particularly unpleasant (read: man induced) period of my life I found myself in desperate need of some shoring up. As usual, I turned to my friends who have always helped me negotiate the darkness. Feeling particularly vulnerable, I fell prey to my niece’s suggestion that a “chick movie” was what I required. She prescribed a viewing of “Under the Tuscan Sun” saying it was “exactly what you need right now.” I was skeptical. I protested but she would have none of it. Pointing out both that it was airing on one of the chick TV cable channels that very evening and that it was in all likelihood not going to kill me to indulge her and promising that Diane Lane would not be boinking Richard Gere in a beach house at any time during the movie, I agreed to her suggestion.
It was like two hours of every cliché chicks tell themselves to make themselves feel better all rolled into one movie. Diane Lane blindsided by a bitter divorce is offered a ticket for a gay tour of Tuscany by her best friend Sandra Oh and her lesbian lover when they discover that Sandra is finally pregnant after several tries, they then turn in their tickets for an upgrade in the depressed, divorced, Diane’s name. After at first refusing, Diane ultimately takes the trip. Shortly after her arrival, she ditches the gay tour to purchase a villa in Tuscany on a whim. She’s lonely and miserable until she beds a young, hot Italian man. About to leave for a weekend trip with him, she discovers Sandra outside her house pregnant and alone, for her lover has ultimately decided that motherhood was not her calling and ditched her. Meantime, Diane oversees the love affair of the young worker repairing her villa and the construction foreman’s daughter cause she knows true love when she sees it, resulting in their wedding at the end of the film. Having her wishes of a family and a wedding in her new home one day now realized, she learns the valuable chick movie lesson that you DO get what you wish for, just not always in the way you imagined. Her lesson now learned cues the handsome American that wanders onto her property and with whom she finds the love she’s been looking for, or rather, it finds her.
If I could have punched this movie, I think I would have. It was like a laundry list of chick fantasies: I went on vacation and never came home! I got dumped and now my pregnant best friend did too which makes me not so bad, cause I may have gotten dumped, but she’s dumped AND pregnant! I bought a house and radically changed my life and I’m scared and lonely but now my best friend (who is pregnant and dumped) just moved in with me! On another continent no less! If you wish hard enough it will come true but you must be wildly specific!
My idea of a chick movie is a bit different. “The Great Escape” is my idea of a chick movie. Hot guys? Check. Overcoming adversity? Check. Goal achieved? Check. Sure most of them get killed at the end, but that’s how life really works. Sometimes you just get screwed for no reason.
Recently, after a particularly unpleasant (read: man induced) period of my life I found myself in desperate need of some shoring up. As usual, I turned to my friends who have always helped me negotiate the darkness. Feeling particularly vulnerable, I fell prey to my niece’s suggestion that a “chick movie” was what I required. She prescribed a viewing of “Under the Tuscan Sun” saying it was “exactly what you need right now.” I was skeptical. I protested but she would have none of it. Pointing out both that it was airing on one of the chick TV cable channels that very evening and that it was in all likelihood not going to kill me to indulge her and promising that Diane Lane would not be boinking Richard Gere in a beach house at any time during the movie, I agreed to her suggestion.
It was like two hours of every cliché chicks tell themselves to make themselves feel better all rolled into one movie. Diane Lane blindsided by a bitter divorce is offered a ticket for a gay tour of Tuscany by her best friend Sandra Oh and her lesbian lover when they discover that Sandra is finally pregnant after several tries, they then turn in their tickets for an upgrade in the depressed, divorced, Diane’s name. After at first refusing, Diane ultimately takes the trip. Shortly after her arrival, she ditches the gay tour to purchase a villa in Tuscany on a whim. She’s lonely and miserable until she beds a young, hot Italian man. About to leave for a weekend trip with him, she discovers Sandra outside her house pregnant and alone, for her lover has ultimately decided that motherhood was not her calling and ditched her. Meantime, Diane oversees the love affair of the young worker repairing her villa and the construction foreman’s daughter cause she knows true love when she sees it, resulting in their wedding at the end of the film. Having her wishes of a family and a wedding in her new home one day now realized, she learns the valuable chick movie lesson that you DO get what you wish for, just not always in the way you imagined. Her lesson now learned cues the handsome American that wanders onto her property and with whom she finds the love she’s been looking for, or rather, it finds her.
If I could have punched this movie, I think I would have. It was like a laundry list of chick fantasies: I went on vacation and never came home! I got dumped and now my pregnant best friend did too which makes me not so bad, cause I may have gotten dumped, but she’s dumped AND pregnant! I bought a house and radically changed my life and I’m scared and lonely but now my best friend (who is pregnant and dumped) just moved in with me! On another continent no less! If you wish hard enough it will come true but you must be wildly specific!
My idea of a chick movie is a bit different. “The Great Escape” is my idea of a chick movie. Hot guys? Check. Overcoming adversity? Check. Goal achieved? Check. Sure most of them get killed at the end, but that’s how life really works. Sometimes you just get screwed for no reason.
Righteousness!
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